Posts tagged friends

So when I started HavenStory a little over a year ago, i was down in the dumps and music uplifted me to no end. I made it my quest and journey to find new bands, artists, remixes of songs, etc. Fast forward to now and, well, I am pretty much still down in the dumps, but I have exhausted my time and priorities between friends, dating and of course work/career, things that are helping me cycle out of divorce land into new me land. Not much time is left to discover new music, sadly, sadly so. So in the interim, i shall change my tune: HavenStory will remain a blog about relationships first and foremost, a blog with the occasional poem, and the occasional song. But i don’t want to mislead you, baby, that this here is a music blog. It’s just my words interpreting feeling, sometimes in pure coherence, sometimes in pure pain, nothing but the raw. But, i will always, always, strive to be positive and shed that light in my posts, writings and well, everything around me… because the world is so beautiful, and I am blessed to have the people i do in my life, blessed to be on my own and explore the never ending possibilities of me and really just life. Cheers, my Tumblr friends! Have you uplifted someone today yet? I promise you will feel better for it, go on: Love someone, admire someone, respect someone today and again tomorrow and so on ; ) xo -haven

This blank page stares at me
Taunting
Daring
“Write bitch
What have you got?
Poetry you call it?
Get on with yourself, girl
Write me a sonnet
About how you were betrayed
Write me a love letter
About the lover you met
Write me your sorrows
Your dreams
Your intentions
You sadly forlorn remain
And I here this blank page
Stare at you not in disdain
Not in disdain
But a blank page
For you to maim
Or possibly a life reclaim
Yeah, a life reclaim
Yours
Today, you took all the right steps
And here we are
You writing
You dreaming
You loving
Yourself and others
Opening up to for once loved be
Without trading anything in exchange
Just a little ‘ol blank page staring at you
No longer blank
Thankfully
Lovingly
Because of your courage
To spill it
Like only spilled ink
And raw emotions could”

God, what would this year have been
Without Tumblr
Without words
Without friends
And the courage you mustered
The hills you climbed and hiked
The iron you pounded
to shape your body
And thereby your mind
Your soul
To feel like only a superhero could
And yet your heart for now remains frail 
But your friends and loved ones ready to the avail
And I hear you say loudly and purely:
“Thank you blank page,
Thank you my friends,
Thank you my pretty strangers,
Who if only momentarily you have made me
On a high feel
Thank you God,
Thank you mom,
Thank you me,
For picking myself up
And matching emotions to words
Feelings to laughter
And broken dreams to hopes”

Here’s to 2012 and baby, baby
To so, so much more!

-haven

(Art “belle monde” via bookspaperscissors)

I haven’t been fully honest with you, Tumblr. Withholding info and feelings is just as bad as a lie. And so i have deliberately not written because i needed time to sort me out. And guess what… I’m still not done. I know this much - if I were to recap the last few months, it would be something like this: September - elation, discovery; October - a test of all the lessons I thought i had learned this year; November - surprise, adventure; December - discovery, happiness yet grief and effen non-stop tears during this holiday week. And overall in December - fear - fear that good could easily turn to bad, hurt, vulnerability all those human emotions that scare the shit out of most us. Things with “Legends” have developed into something else, we don’t really know what yet, but it’s def something we both didn’t expect - we have both said we’re a bit afraid at the speed of things, but we’re in this and neither has backed away. So off we go and we continue to stay on for the ride. Merry Christmas, my Tumblr friends. I hope you are somewhere in the world being treated gracefully, lovingly, being respected and more importantly that you are sharing the goodness in yourself and loving and admiring someone back. Many blessings to you all! xo - haven

I had always heard that what you put out in the world, you get back, but never really understood the meaning of it to really put it in motion. Then this year came when i left a long term partner and found all this energy that I had invested in him and saving our marriage, I could now invest in myself and pick back up. And so I began to put out this positive energy, this sense of wonder, curiosity and adventure and overall good-naturedness about people and the world, and I have seen it return to me twofold in awe. This week was beautiful evidence of that.

From a few nice times hanging with my new friend Legends to being treated to dinner at my gal pal’s new apartment. The nice texts I got from L throughout the week, some rockin bonding gal time and some sweet mom time too. I feel loved, blessed and nurtured. Remember how often I’d write about that “love-starved” feeling? I remember feeling so neglected for years with not a hand held. well, let’s not get into that, yeah. But, the beauty in it too is that I can give back and be a much better friend, confidant and even well, a much more fun date.

I learned so much about my friend tonight- I’ve known her for almost 10 years through work and it’s funny how just by listening and asking the right questions you can make someone feel comfy enough that they open up and begin really sharing and pouring their heart out. My friend and I had so much more in common than we ever imagined and it took for her to leave that job for us to get closer and I am so grateful to cultivate our friendship and grow it even more. Here’s to you, B! xo -haven

Life is sooo good right now ; ). I just danced my little heart out to Arcade Fire’s “Ready to Start” - not once, not twice, but thrice, ha. Although yesterday I had a major cry fest in my car on the way home from work, what with a crappy day at work and then listening to Sarah McLachlan’s “Fumbling Toward Ecstasy” (especially “Plenty”) - I just broke down. Well, it was a long time coming as I hadn’t let things out in a while. I wrote so, so much the last few days, I think it was all just bubbling up to the surface - finally. I’m really happy with the poems I wrote as a result since Thanksgiving- I’ll be posting in the next few weeks. Oh, and I came up with a project for myself: a mood-board of sorts to recap what a phenomenal year - 2011- I had in my new-found self as a single, empowered gal. It will serve as a reminder in 2012 of the things I was able to conquer on this very difficult year, the many new places I went to, the wonderful friends and family that were there for me every step of the way, the hikes, the runs, the stairwalks, the gym, my work family, my Tumblr family, and the new friends that I made, the strangers i thought i’d never see again that now have a nice little role in my life. To all of that and all of them, my mood-board will serve as inspiration to have a kick-ass 2012 and that LIFE - well, it nicely goes on ; ) Cheers, my Tumblr friends!

Gather yourself already and give a fuck
No one here to shine your penny
Wish on a rainbow for your good luck

See the pieces on the floor?
Pick yourself up, man
You ask for help say you can’t take no more
That your future is frayed
And you parlay, wax on for mercy oh lord

What have you learned from this decade
if not that man is a resilient weapon
Loved ones passed
Illness fraught
Lovers parted
Friends vanished
And here we are, babe, broken hearted
But still standing

Bombs ruefully color the sky in the East
While rainbows paint ours here for us to feast
Yet most go ignored
Yeah they go ignored
Just like bird formations
Clouds hanging ever so gently above our jaded L.A. hilltops
Yes, it’s smog-ridden L.A.
But, I will take it any day over seeing soldiers slain
Yet you email, text, phone, post and complain

Gather yourself already and look up
Look around
Friends that are left are a few
But their goodness is abound
I may not be there to hold your hand
But a hand I will lend when I see you
For once getting on
Humming birds and butterflies they appear
out of the blue
And only you know this is true

So there friend, you are not alone
But, you are you and you sabotage
You deprecate
Cast a shadow with the smallest of stone
Enough
Open up and let go
Beauty is around us
I love you
But for now I go
Until you, for yourself see
That even a penny can shine on its own

-haven

(Art via dyingofcute)

Hello my #Tumblr #friends, thanks for your messages, I’m better. Had a little bump in the road, but it was a good test in this positive momentum of mine. 

In the last few weeks, I’ve had some good lessons about people, and I’m starting to realize that, for the most part, I don’t think we set out to hurt each other. Rather, it’s in the manner in which we carry out our situations – sometimes more careless than not – that people get hurt. And what many of us don’t realize is that it is never, ever too late to reach out to that person that you hurt, that is confused by your actions or simply misunderstood and tell them that you value them – whether it’s the short amount of time you spent together laughing, whether it’s their good intentions or just the fact that they will be good at or with someone or something else. The end result here is: positivity. Leaving things on a positive note.

Let’s not let people walk out of our lives feeling crummy. It’s the one super power we all have – to make others feel respected, valued, thought of, noticed, acknowledged. It’s so simple and can be done with a sincere, ‘I wish you the best, you’re a good person.’ And so with that comes my new Haven’s Happenstance song series – Songs With A Message: over the week I’ll profile songs that have a positive, feel good message to them. Songs that somehow have been surrounding me for the last few weeks – whether I heard them at a café in Italy as I was having a bummed out moment, or they came on the radio as I was tearing up on a drive home, or songs that are just in my arsenal of “Come on Haven, get on up and feel good. Life is short, but oh so beautiful, don’t waste a second of it.”  Hope you like, chin up, xo – haven.

(Art by Samuel Loren Schmucker via mariposima reblogged moodsix: sisterwolf)

I was going to rant, wrote this post yesterday and sat on it for a day. So glad I did. I’ve decided to keep my blog positive and continue on my path of no grudges and anyone who carelessly hurts me, betrays me or toys with my emotions, well best to you, but I will not give you another second of my self. Still, there’s a good story to my post, and so here’s a much-abridged version. Oh, and gone is the former title: “A Triangle So Fucked” :)

This is a true story, I promise you: I somehow naively fell into a trap, a triangle of I don’t know what, and of the three, I’m now shut out. A fortune-teller approached me about a month ago before I left to Europe. Randomly, out of the blue, she came up to me in a crowd and cautioned me and said something like “Be careful, you are between two. And people who you trust will be talking about you. Friends are not who you think they are.” And she walked away.

Now, in this raw, emotional state I find myself in this year, this really struck me. I tried my best to remain positive and forget about the awkward exchange, filed it away and didn’t tell anyone. For if friends are not who I think they are, my God, what do I have?

Sadly, as I reflect on the last few weeks… she was right.  What happened has unfortunately made an impact on me; my guard is fully up. But, this too shall pass. I count my friends on one hand. It was too soon to open up, and I now know that. I’m letting it go. Here’s to starting the week off right!

(Art by Andy Council via darksilenceinsuburbia)