Posts tagged poetry

Hello my sweet Tumblr friends. I’ve been away, and I need your good vibes more so than ever.

A quick update: I was recently hit by a car while on one of my many liberating, empowering runs. I’m fine, just broke my tailbone- but what it’s done to me in terms of perspective is quite phenomenal. Add to this the fact that ‘Legends’ served his purpose and is now gone. An end in unfortunate bad terms, his deception/his loss- my gain during our time and I am better for it. I recognize and for this I am thankful.

Music remains my constant- aside from fitness which is on pause right now. But, I promise to myself not to run, hide from feelings, to live and continue loving and believing, living ‘balls out’ - it’s the only way to live, my friends, to feel we’re really, truly alive. Stay tuned for more poetry, more music, more prose & more love. Let’s live a life of abundance, yeah! - xoxo I missed you! - haven ;)

Tenderly they gaze
And as quick as the last embrace
They let go in fear
There could there be more
But who wants to know?
Who dares to go?
Might it be easier then… to forego

Yeah, she goes

The game is juicy
And he claims to lead
She’s so far ahead
Watch it, baby, lest you carelessly bleed

And on, he goes

Every now and again they slip
Into a rhythm so familiar and comforting
That neither wants to admit
So one clutching and the other gripping
This obvious connection they begin to omit

For now, on, they go

It’s a game he’s mastered
And as fun as it is for her too
It is his to lose
She will prove

And in the end they will their separate ways go
It was a game nonetheless
But both a true love let go

-haven

So when I started HavenStory a little over a year ago, i was down in the dumps and music uplifted me to no end. I made it my quest and journey to find new bands, artists, remixes of songs, etc. Fast forward to now and, well, I am pretty much still down in the dumps, but I have exhausted my time and priorities between friends, dating and of course work/career, things that are helping me cycle out of divorce land into new me land. Not much time is left to discover new music, sadly, sadly so. So in the interim, i shall change my tune: HavenStory will remain a blog about relationships first and foremost, a blog with the occasional poem, and the occasional song. But i don’t want to mislead you, baby, that this here is a music blog. It’s just my words interpreting feeling, sometimes in pure coherence, sometimes in pure pain, nothing but the raw. But, i will always, always, strive to be positive and shed that light in my posts, writings and well, everything around me… because the world is so beautiful, and I am blessed to have the people i do in my life, blessed to be on my own and explore the never ending possibilities of me and really just life. Cheers, my Tumblr friends! Have you uplifted someone today yet? I promise you will feel better for it, go on: Love someone, admire someone, respect someone today and again tomorrow and so on ; ) xo -haven

This blank page stares at me
Taunting
Daring
“Write bitch
What have you got?
Poetry you call it?
Get on with yourself, girl
Write me a sonnet
About how you were betrayed
Write me a love letter
About the lover you met
Write me your sorrows
Your dreams
Your intentions
You sadly forlorn remain
And I here this blank page
Stare at you not in disdain
Not in disdain
But a blank page
For you to maim
Or possibly a life reclaim
Yeah, a life reclaim
Yours
Today, you took all the right steps
And here we are
You writing
You dreaming
You loving
Yourself and others
Opening up to for once loved be
Without trading anything in exchange
Just a little ‘ol blank page staring at you
No longer blank
Thankfully
Lovingly
Because of your courage
To spill it
Like only spilled ink
And raw emotions could”

God, what would this year have been
Without Tumblr
Without words
Without friends
And the courage you mustered
The hills you climbed and hiked
The iron you pounded
to shape your body
And thereby your mind
Your soul
To feel like only a superhero could
And yet your heart for now remains frail 
But your friends and loved ones ready to the avail
And I hear you say loudly and purely:
“Thank you blank page,
Thank you my friends,
Thank you my pretty strangers,
Who if only momentarily you have made me
On a high feel
Thank you God,
Thank you mom,
Thank you me,
For picking myself up
And matching emotions to words
Feelings to laughter
And broken dreams to hopes”

Here’s to 2012 and baby, baby
To so, so much more!

-haven

(Art “belle monde” via bookspaperscissors)

You didn’t ask
So
I didn’t say
Sorry, was it my
responsibility
And did I
Lead you astray?

You didn’t know
Or so you claim
That I was falling
As hard as you
But I’ve been hurt
And I retreated
You left me no choice
And I had it in me
To walk away

You had it in you
To express
Your words perfectly
Matching your feelings
As I fucked-up like a soldier lain
And I was a rebound or so I suspected
And so this guard of mine tough like concrete remained

Meanwhile you were certain that I was
The one who got you,
And I did
That one who refreshingly sought you and
Special made you feel
And I wanted to, and so I did
But, I needed that too.
You gave it,
But this fucked state of mine
couldn’t see it- even if the awakening was so fucking rude

I fucked up
I miss you
But you needed more
Than I could give you
And I am not sure that
Even writing this
I could enough give for us two

What next, baby?
Do you have it in you
To grow this out and love
me unconditionally?
I’ve done it,
And I know that I with you too can
Will you simply lie by me?
Share your dreams?
And contently hold my hand?

Time is all I need,
but not alone.
I want you by my side
Just understand
It will take a bit more
To let this guard down
And let go
And when I do, baby
This world of ours,
This world of yours
I will be your lover,
Your biggest fan
And adoring admirer

Please give me some time,
but don’t for a minute-
Don’t for a minute
Leave my side

- haven

(Art “Episodes” by Grzegorz Domaradzki via Marysoul )

Life is sooo good right now ; ). I just danced my little heart out to Arcade Fire’s “Ready to Start” - not once, not twice, but thrice, ha. Although yesterday I had a major cry fest in my car on the way home from work, what with a crappy day at work and then listening to Sarah McLachlan’s “Fumbling Toward Ecstasy” (especially “Plenty”) - I just broke down. Well, it was a long time coming as I hadn’t let things out in a while. I wrote so, so much the last few days, I think it was all just bubbling up to the surface - finally. I’m really happy with the poems I wrote as a result since Thanksgiving- I’ll be posting in the next few weeks. Oh, and I came up with a project for myself: a mood-board of sorts to recap what a phenomenal year - 2011- I had in my new-found self as a single, empowered gal. It will serve as a reminder in 2012 of the things I was able to conquer on this very difficult year, the many new places I went to, the wonderful friends and family that were there for me every step of the way, the hikes, the runs, the stairwalks, the gym, my work family, my Tumblr family, and the new friends that I made, the strangers i thought i’d never see again that now have a nice little role in my life. To all of that and all of them, my mood-board will serve as inspiration to have a kick-ass 2012 and that LIFE - well, it nicely goes on ; ) Cheers, my Tumblr friends!

These are the days of Marmont
Sky Bar and Trocadero
Where men compete and win with more dinero
A shrinking conscience balanced only by a growing erection
Where girls compete with equally shrinking character
Crushed by deception

Growing with lackluster personalities
In a town notorious for being ready for its close up
And ne’er an eyebrow raised for certain inequalities
Best known for a treasure trove of dreams
Yet still some always give up it seems

That may be Hollywood to some
But, not  L.A.
My city shines and spreads it wings
Like the angels it eponymously claims

The real shining lights are not those on Sunset
Nor those dotting the mcmansion on the Hollywood Hills
Of that mogul gracing the latest cover of Celebrity

The real lights shine from parks - Griffith onto McArthur and Echo
From the factories of American Apparel
to the Mozza kitchen
Round the L.A. Mission
To pristine mansion marble floors
Scrubbed so, so sterile

Lights in some eyes have gone out
At Olive View
And LA. County jail
At the factories of Wonder Bread
Or Vermont and 92^nd street
Where yours truly was raised

But, not in this girl
Not yet
Not ever

From the RTD to SAMOHI
From the Fairfax Market
And the now weekly jaunts across Mulllholland
Runyon and Fryman

This girl here
Is in touch and connected
Eyes lit brightly
Feet firmly planted
This girl here
She has learned
take nothing
nothing for granted

-haven

(Art by Haven, taken at Runyon Canyon 2011)

Gather yourself already and give a fuck
No one here to shine your penny
Wish on a rainbow for your good luck

See the pieces on the floor?
Pick yourself up, man
You ask for help say you can’t take no more
That your future is frayed
And you parlay, wax on for mercy oh lord

What have you learned from this decade
if not that man is a resilient weapon
Loved ones passed
Illness fraught
Lovers parted
Friends vanished
And here we are, babe, broken hearted
But still standing

Bombs ruefully color the sky in the East
While rainbows paint ours here for us to feast
Yet most go ignored
Yeah they go ignored
Just like bird formations
Clouds hanging ever so gently above our jaded L.A. hilltops
Yes, it’s smog-ridden L.A.
But, I will take it any day over seeing soldiers slain
Yet you email, text, phone, post and complain

Gather yourself already and look up
Look around
Friends that are left are a few
But their goodness is abound
I may not be there to hold your hand
But a hand I will lend when I see you
For once getting on
Humming birds and butterflies they appear
out of the blue
And only you know this is true

So there friend, you are not alone
But, you are you and you sabotage
You deprecate
Cast a shadow with the smallest of stone
Enough
Open up and let go
Beauty is around us
I love you
But for now I go
Until you, for yourself see
That even a penny can shine on its own

-haven

(Art via dyingofcute)

I wanna give you kisses
Like the ones that don’t come true everyday
Hold you like someone who has never hurt me
Embrace the possibilities
Or simply get lost in your embrace
I don’t want plans
I don’t want promises
I don’t want to discuss this
I want your sheer longing
To hear you say you thought of me all week
Whether your longing for now is or isn’t skin deep
Baby, you thought of me
And that is all I need
Baby, you have champagne
I’ll make the chocolate covered strawberries
And we stay up making love
So be it, let’s talk about the mundane
I wanna give you kisses like I said
Ain’t it funny how strangers can meet
And make each other feel loved
Even if love is not what they’re in yet?
Ain’t it funny we can severely hurt those we claim
To in love be
Yet we destroy, betray them, hurt them and wonder
Well I ever be right again?
Will I love again?
Will anyone love me?
Baby, thanks for the kisses
Never mind these loose cannons firing in my head
You are one of the few reasons
Why I am okay,
if only for today

-haven

Art by A Childhood Dream | Yusuf Artun via bookspaperscissors

I broke my hand
in a million little pieces
But,
I didn’t get to sock you as hard.
I tried with all my might to forget you
But, you crept in the corner of
My mind
My pillow
My pants
And I should really get my hand out
before I’m caught
But, your memory is impressed
in my eyes
Likewise
in these fingers of mine.
Your taste lingers
like your laughter
And now your bad intentions
But, all I want
is to taste you
once again
Have you near
So I can sock you
As I hard
as I can

-haven

(Art “glorious wounds” via agnes-cecile.deviantart.com )

I took a look at your camera
And most of your pictures
were of me
I wonder what it’s like
to love someone so unconditionally
I have let you down on many an occasion
Yet I somehow lived up to all your expectations
And in your heart
there will always be love for me
I can’t say you’re my idol,
the person whom I long to be
I can’t say you’re my savior,
my keeper or treasure
But you are mine
and I can’t say that of anyone
You are mine with imperfections
You are mine to see in broken little pieces
even if whole it looks in a reflection
You are mine to care for in my careless
‘I’m still learning’ ways
and in a way
I have learned so much from you
and I to continue to
You are the fighter in me
The fire that will never cease
The gullible girl with infantile dreams
You are the laughter in my belly
The brightness in my eyes
The reason I fight to honor myself
and choose me
Because you didn’t have these chances
It’s a do over for you through me
but it’s a world of opportunity
you have given me
I love you,
momma

-haven

(Art “Secret Boxes” by patidescalzaviajo via mariposima reblogged from chromasoma)

Sometimes things matter
only because we have nothing else that
possibly could

Sometimes a love seems possible
only because we know not love, nor
do we know how to love ourselves first

Sometimes.

But most times,
we love because we see the goodness
in others and they in turn see it in us
before we in ourselves even could

-haven

(art via autumnintheevening)

“Hello” he said
“I don’t think we’ve met
In fact, I know we haven’t
I would remember that delightful face
The dark of your hair mysteriously
guising the temples of your thoughts”
Few smiles later,
couple awkward chuckles
and a magnetic meeting of the eyes
He spoke of the city, the sunsets and
mundane life
He was intent on knowing more
Was she okay?
Did someone hurt her and
Could she see the good in him?
Perhaps a glimmer of the strong man
he had a feeling was missing in her life?
He wanted in just a few minutes
to soak her up
taste her sweetness
run his hands through her hair
and gingerly linger along her back
But, his time was limited
A few minutes were left
before he could convince her
there was more here than a locking of the eyes
Would he get the chance to see her in morning’s dew?
Pressed against his chest?
Or arched on her back
as he made love to her in as many ways he could?
Would she come to trust him?
And could they like kids laugh hysterically at nothing
but an afternoon’s breeze?
Lock in step together as one?
Make love to the night’s end
until the morning had just begun?
Suddenly, in that instant
it was time to say goodbye
His heart pounding, out of breath and words
He let her go
But little he did he know
She was there with him
Too afraid
Too hurt
Too shy
To say
“I want to know you,
I want to soak you up
Goodbye my almost one”

-haven

(Art by By { stella im hultberg } via bookspaperscissors reblogged from limmynem)

When hydrangeas mattered
And daffodils in abundance grew
When dandelions in the wind
Held their shape in plain view

When lavender smelled as sweet
freshly cut or dried in sachets
And the children ran a muck in a ruckus
When the angel trumpets and wisteria flowered
When dreams were tightly sealed in disguised clutter
And the mirror in a reflection didn’t bother

When roses and tulips in a wedding bouquet triumphed
And promises and caresses were enough
When Boston Ivy tightly gripped these walls
And your secrets were hidden from all
And her faith in you was without a fall
And she didn’t see anyone, anyone at all

When geraniums began to wither
And even succulents became parched
And thickets and weeds everywhere, everywhere
And no tending could sow this garden’s flora and fauna march

When they struggled to get past this now evident drought
And come April or May,
hydrangeas were now in disarray
It was the absence of children’s laughter that left them
And left them no doubt

-haven

(Art by Rafal Olbinski via whisperinglion)